Well, I have waited to write, and mostly because I do not know how open to be. I am 29 weeks pregnant, and I am feeling the instability that comes with surging hormones. I was OK for awhile, but now I am back. Back to a sense of discomfort, about where I am and where I am going. Where do I put my art, will I continue to create.
I create now, but quite sporadically and I think about it all the time. I need to be present in the moment and grateful that I have a baby growing in me. I am very excited, but getting a bit nervous that it is around 2 1/2 months away. Wow!!! It seemed to go slow and now it is going fast. So much to do.
So I want to change my attitude. I was to cherish this time, rather than feel lonely, or indecisive. I want to be strong, and enjoy life as this is what it is. I want to flow down this river that I am on, rather that get hit by the rocks. I always see the rocks, rather than the water above. Let me flow, and let me fill my life with all the beauty that surrounds.
The unknown is a hard place to be, and that is what is overwhelming me. I have always felt like a mermaid, who could find here sacred space and feel free. Will I feel this again if I decide to change my mind. I hope so. So I decide today, to accept and see what I do do, and not pick up on what I don't. I focus on the wrong stuff.
What a blessing, to have a human being grow inside me, and to feel her presence, and I can only think about what art project I am going to do, and not doing. So river invite me in again, and I will float on top, and you can take me where you go. I will look at the beautiful scenery around me, and if a rock scraped me, I will heal quickly, because I know there are more sites to see.
Goodbye to you rocks that come visit me. I have a adventure to feel. Lots of love, and positive thoughts.
2 comments:
Welcome to EDM Lauren, I'm sure you will find it very encouraging and supportive. You illustrations are wonderful! Good luck with your new baby and may I say you are getting it exactly right - listening to your needs not others!
Oh Lauren, I so recognize your mixture of feelings. I had my babies nearly 30 years ago -- but your writing takes me back to that uncertain time. All will be well, undoubtedly, but still it is good to notice your ambivalence while not hanging onto how things "should " be or how you wish they were. All blessings on you! I love the drawings you've made about the coming baby! Hopefully you can sneak in some drawing here and there -- 5 minute sketches are probably a good thing to count on! We'll always be here! Penny
Post a Comment